


Teaching Dave Strider how to Drive

by caesiumTornado



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, johndave - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesiumTornado/pseuds/caesiumTornado
Summary: Dave really had the short end of the stick. It affected his life, it affected his friends. That kind of suffocation really breaks you down over time.This is the story of Dave Strider learning how to drive.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rape and sexual abuse tags are for past implications. Likely won't even be explicitly mentioned. 
> 
> I havent written anything in years and to be honest, I'm not entirely happy with this. Maybe I'll re-write things, but maybe not. As it stands, im going to allow it to be what it is and continue writing. Maybe I'll improve in the process. Hopefully yall enjoy!
> 
> Also, comments hugely motivate me, critique or compliment! So, if you wanna see more...consider it!

"I just don't get it," John said, brows furrowed. "Why do you keep doing this? You're just fucking up your life, and getting humiliated in the process." 

Dave sat at John's desk, looking a bit scolded. His face was turned away and his jaw was set. Clearly John was hitting some kind of nerve, though not the one he was trying to hit. 

John seemed to think it was all very simple. Don't antagonize dudes way bigger than yourself, or anyone at all, and you don't find yourself in fights you can't win. No snapchat videos of getting your absolute ass kicked to go around the school for the, what, third time that year? It seemed like a clear-cut behavioral issue to John, who didn't often stop to think of the "why". Why would someone like Dave put himself in such a demeaning position, over and over? John had no insight at all into that, and was content to assume it was just bad choices. 

Dave meanwhile was stung by the consequences of his actions. It had unfolded almost before he realized what had happened. There was a guy who really rubbed him the wrong way. He said something smart and Dave got smart back. He didn't care who it was or what the potential backlash was, he just wasn't gonna let someone run their mouth without comment. Of course it pissed the guy off. He got right up in Dave's face for a second, before Dave, smirking in the face of his anxiety had said "you gonna kiss me?" 

His fist did, connecting with Dave's mouth as the first smooch. It sent Dave reeling and it didn't get better from there. The teacher couldn't do much but a resource officer had been nearby and came in a hurry. He diffused things and pulled the larger student off of Dave, who lay on the linoleum. Another student had snatched up Dave's glasses, and John had seen and stormed over to them. They were given up with some reluctance, and then it was over. Dave and the other kid were taken out, and John was left to fume about what he'd seen. 

It hurt John, and made him mad, to see his best friend be hurt like that. Dave was no fan of it either, but despite the consequences he continued to get into trouble. And not just for fighting. 

Dave had a tendency to argue with teachers, although they had a tendency to demean him. He had earned the title of problem student and that went a long way for some teachers. Dave just didn't bow well to authority, especially when something felt unjust. If Mr. Laroch was going to try and demean him in front of the class, then he was gonna make a jab about his shitty combover, or maybe the way that none of the students liked him. Thus completing the self fulfilling prophecy of the troubled student. 

Dave also skipped pretty regularly, either not coming at all, leaving early, arriving late, or skipping individual classes. Homework was rarely turned in, projects rarely done. 

It all frustrated John to no end, who didn't want to see his best friend flunk out. He saw it all as intentional. Maybe some cool kid irony? It was cool to not care about school, right? Was that it? 

John couldn't picture why Dave might be struggling, or even that it was a result of struggling to begin with. He didn't see these things as a symptom of a greater problem, he saw these things as the problem. Sure, there were little signs that Dave was going through some things. The way he'd flinch at anything sudden. The way no one was allowed at his apartment. There was the alarming things he'd said about his home life although mostly when they were younger. At the time they'd all laughed it off as the ironic joke that he presented it as, and then Dave shut up about it for awhile. Injuries were most often explained away by a skateboarding accident or clumsiness. Sure, there was some doubt. But it wasn't an easy subject to breach. Especially for John who often avoided conflict or hard conversations. 

Looking at Dave in his room, taking refuge after punishment at school for what must have been the umpteenth time, he couldn't help the frustration he felt. They were supposed to graduate together, go through school together. But increasingly it seemed like their paths were different. It was junior year and things were only getting worse. 

"Well?" John prompted Dave when he received no response. 

"What the fuck do you want me to say to that, Egbert?" Dave challenged, glaring behind those dark glasses so kindly rescued by their original gifter. "You think it hasn't occurred to me that this shit is painful? Or embarrassing? You think I don't know that? Really?" He stood and folded his arms, rising to John's height to challenge him more directly. There was only so much pushing Dave felt like doing when he was in John's house, but the criticism from him had really started to grate his nerves. He knew it came from a place of concern, but he also knew John needed to shut the fuck up sometimes. 

"You think I dont see my future spinning down the shitter? Think I don't worry about how I'm gonna pull the ship around?" 

After a beat of John looking surprised and saying nothing, Dave grabs his bookbag. He wanted to take a walk. 

"Thanks for grabbing my shades," he said on the way out. John didn't go after him, instead he was left to process exactly what he had said wrong. Even to John, it wasn't exactly rocket science. 

Dave was out awhile. He went to a park nearby and sat, watching people go by. But it was Washington in the winter and Dave's attire wasn't that fitted for it. His pants, like all his pants, had rips at the knees from hitting pavement. His shirt, like all of his shirts, was threadbare from years of not getting new clothes very often. And his jacket was just a thin zip up hoodie, the best he had. He was texting with their friend Jade, who had sent him about a billion links to YouTube videos she had liked since he last checked his messages. She was a cheerful girl that often had more insight than people gave her credit for. She, like John, had black hair and warm brown skin. She also wore glasses, large and circular in contrast to John's large and square. Her eyes were a vibrant, earthy green while John's were the color of a stormy sky. Deep blue with some grey. 

While Dave was shivering, John was texting their friend, Rose. She was often the one Dave and John went to for advice, though sometimes they went to Jade. John in particular. Rose was short and curvy with violet eyes and pale yellow hair. Her eyes, like Dave's, were a result of her albinism. They still had some blue pigment, giving her the violet look against a backdrop of the blood on her retinas. Dave's eyes had no pigment, giving them a striking red color. His hair and skin also had no pigment, leaving him about as pale as one could be with a shock of white hair to match. Dave and Rose could not be more different in stature though, with Dave being tall and very thin. 

Where had he gone wrong? John had typed. He had a sense that his comments had been unnecessary and redundant, but were they not true? 

"Have you considered that no one enjoys getting their posterior pummeled, and that given the appropriate tools, Dave would likely not have done that? Or have you considered that perhaps his struggles to keep up and stay focused on his future could be in part because he is lacking something that would allow him to be successful?" 

No, he hadn't. 

"You have a tendency to not consider where others may be coming from, John. You and I both know that Dave faces challenges that we don't. Consider being a support rather than a critic." 

Great, so John was really the asshole in the situation. He sighed and shot Dave a text, but after an hour there was no response. 

Dave meanwhile had gotten too god damn cold to continue feeling sorry for himself watching birds and dog walkers. He was frustrated. Of course he knew all those things John had mentioned. He didn't know any better than anyone else why he couldn't keep his mouth shut. The best he could figure was because it didn't matter. Who cared if he got his shit kicked in? It was going to happen with or without school. It felt better to get that jab in than to let it fly without saying anything. Maybe that was stupid. He just didn't care. 

Rose pulled up in her sleek little Cadillac that had larger rear windows outfitted, giving it a very hearse-like look. It wasn't unusual for him to hop from friend's house to friend's house, getting as much of a reprieve as he could at a time. 

The young woman of course already knew about the conflict from John. She'd also seen the stomach churning video of one of her dearest friends being beaten up. On top of that, Dave turning up with injuries wasn't new. So when the lanky teen folded himself into the vehicle, the bruised mouth, split lip and brusied cheekbone didn't startle her much. She still tutted sympathetically. 

"Would you like to get something to eat?" 

In the sonic parking lot, Dave had started to ramble about his unease around John's judgement. He felt responsible after all. Dave had never been honest or forthcoming about what he was facing, and as it stood, he held any conversation about his home life at an incredible arms length. Dave knew that no one believed that it was perfect and cool anymore, but he also knew that at least most of his friends would be shocked to learn the extent of the abuse. Not that he'd describe it that way. 

Maybe Dave was hellbent on destroying his own life. He didn't know. He just knew he felt like shit all the time. He knew he was scared all the time. Beyond that? It was anyone's guess, though he definitely felt like John's perspective wasn't fair. But again, how mad could Dave be with how secretive he was? 

"I just, don't get it. I mean I don't know why I can't keep my mouth shut any better than he does. Am I supposed to have all the answers? All my shit together? Sorry I can't be fucked to worry about school with everything I got going on." 

Dave was more willing to imply trouble in paradise with Rose, because her intuition with him was stronger. They'd talked more about it than he had with anyone else. It had come just short of the "Dave you're being abused" conversation. He wasn't ready for that. To talk about it, or accept it. 

But there again, if Rose knew the extent she would likely be campaigning to get him out of that apartment. Even for her it was too easy to take Dave at face value sometimes, just because it was easier. She was still a teenager herself, after all. And she had her own set of problems. If Dave said it wasn't a big deal, sometimes they all just let it be. 

"I just wish he'd reel it in sometimes. It's not like I enjoy being the laughingstock of the school." 

He sipped at his awful cheesecake oreo sugarbomb of a milkshake while rose dined on a much more refined shitty hot dog. Sonic would not have been her first...or seventh choice. But she wanted to indulge him. 

Dave sighed, mumbling a "whatever" around his straw. 

"You know already, I'm sure, that the concern comes from love. But I know that doesn't make it easier to stomach. John doesn't have a great ability to consider your perspective, especially as you sell him the idea that things are very cool, and very fine. I think you'll find that as you become more comfortable with honesty, his perspective will grow. And I don’t mean to imply that his response is your fault. But he can't meet you where you are if he doesn't know where you are." 

Dave nodded. She was right, but that didn't make it an easier problem to solve. It was the eternal conundrum of wanting to be known and seen by his friends, and wanting to hide away the ugliness in him and in his life. There wasn't much of a happy medium when he lived at such extremes. Dave could sense though, that he was approaching a tipping point. Not in his own development, but in that keeping his secrets was becoming more and more difficult. And less worth doing. 

"Can I stay until Monday? I'm suspended until Wednesday but I want to spend at least the weekend with you." 

Rose smiled and reached over to take his hand a moment. "Of course you can." 

Dave would delay going home as long as he could. His brother didn't show up to pick him up early, he didn't even answer the phone. That was par for the Strider course though. His brother didn't have much involvement in Dave's life outside of tormenting him. If it required effort from the man; feeding him, clothing him, taking him places, teaching him to drive, it generally didn't happen. Or didn't happen often. It stood to reason that perhaps the cardinal sin of Dave's household was causing his brother trouble. If he had to go out of his way to handle a situation, it really pissed him off. Calls from the school fell within that category. 

The anxiety would curdle his stomach and hang over the entire weekend, something not lost on Rose. His pensive face as she painted his nails, him staring into space as they watched a movie. His pursed lips at breakfast. He was always on the edge of something. Sometimes Rose felt him slipping through her fingers, and it scared her. She just tried to be there when he needed her, and tried hard to listen to things unsaid. Dave was just as vocal in what he avoided as he was in his frequent word vomit. 

Dave hadn't brought any clothes, so when they went to lie down he ended up in one of Rose's shirts and a pair of her lounge pants. His clothes were tossed into the wash. They fit pretty well, Rose was somewhere between a women's medium and large, and his shirt was a large. Dave usually wore men's larges that ended up fitting him in length but being fairly baggy in size. Mediums were often too short, but fit a bit better. 

They laid together in bed and talked. Rose gently probed into how Dave was feeling. 

"Have they spoken about expulsion? This is surely your third strike." 

"Yeah. Said I'm really pressing my luck. Vice principal said she had "half a mind to just kick me to the curb". 

"And what would you do?" 

He was quiet as he considered his answer, before he shrugged. When he spoke, he sounded a bit sad. "I guess get my GED whenever. I honestly can't see finishing highschool. It's just too much. I'm behind in credits and if I fail the two classes I'm pretty sure I'll fail this year, it'll be even worse. I failed drivers ed because of fucking absences. Can't have more than ten. The hole just gets deeper and deeper and then it's harder to get out of. But everyone says "oh just do this, do that!" With what? I do my best and this is what I'm left with. I'm really tired of being treated like I'm some lazy burnout." 

Rose took his hand, threading their fingers together. They were laying facing one another. "What would you need to succeed? What would help you?" 

Dave was quiet for a long moment again. The answer was too close to a topic he just couldn't talk about still. He needed to not be with his brother. He needed to be somewhere there was food. He needed to be somewhere he could sleep. Where he wasn't always terrified. Where he wasn't always hurt. All of his energy and patience was used up in survival. How could he focus on anything else at all? 

"I don't know," Dave finally sighed. "I just need to do better. Be better." 

Rose wondered if the fights weren't a kind of self-punishment. After all, Dave knew every time it would be painful and humiliating, and he seemed to think there was a reasonable amount of punishment necessary. Only ever for him, though. She was sure he didn't think it through that far, but any self destructive behavior tended to be self punitive. And he displayed a fair amount of self destructive behavior. 

"You are enough," she told him, squeezing his hand. "The public education system is a tool of disenfranchisement. It harms those who need the most understanding or support and rewards cruelty and privilege. There is nothing wrong with you that has led us here. There is just you, your specific set of needs and challenges, and a school that does not care." 

Dave smiled a little. Leave it to Rose to spin it like that. "Yeah, whatever that means," he teases, though they both knew that Dave was abundantly intelligent enough to understand exactly what she meant. 

"Hush, you," she chided, lips pursing in amusement. He studied her face for a moment. Without makeup, her face looked so soft. Textured with a bit of acne, not unlike his own. Little blushed spots that Dave thought only looked ugly on him. But Rose? Rose made it look good, of course. 

"Night sis," he said, drawing the blanket up closer around him. It was something he called her in jest, as they were so close. It was the closest thing he could imagine to a sibling relationship. 

"Goodnight brother dearest. Do take care not to kick me in your sleep this time." 

"I can't control that. Maybe you should stop inviting me over?" 

Rose laughed a little. "But then, who would eat all my food?" 

They finally settled soon after, and Dave actually managed to fall relatively quickly into an uneasy sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

He was colder than he could ever remember being. His lips were blue and he couldn't feel his hands or feet, even as he curled his fingers into his shirt and shook violently. In addition to the cold, there was the claustrophobia. The space was so small, and his tiny knees up against his chest made it even harder to breathe. 

The first ten minutes, Dave was uncomfortable and sad, but not yet really panicking. Bro would let him out soon, right? But after that, the next ten minutes were even scarier. He really started to panic, legs and feet pushing against the door in front of him as his heartrate and breathing picked up. Pretty soon he was screaming and gasping for air, but no one came. His voice was muffled in the space and he thought he was going to die. His chest was so tight, he couldn't pull in enough air. His brother was going to leave him there, to die of the cold and the lack of oxygen. Dave was sure of it. 

After another ten minutes Dave's energy began to wane. He couldn't kick any longer and he was feeling sluggish. He felt his body slowing and knew he was going to die. 

Dave sat up in bed, gasping and sputtering. Tears were streaked down his face and he choked on his own spit as he gulped for breath. It left him to cough, which cut off more air, which made his anxiety rise to a panic. That feeling from the dream was so recent, so palpable, that he thought maybe he was still in the fridge. 

It was only then that he realized that Rose was awake in the bed beside him. Her voice rose above the ringing in his ears and her hand went to his back. He flinched away violently at first, but she pursued him, and he leaned into the touch once he realized it was her. 

She brought him out of his confusion at least, grounding him enough so that he knew he wasn't in the fridge. It took him longer to stop gasping and even longer to stop crying and shaking, but her voice coached him through all of it. In the end, he laid down with her, one of his best friends in the entire world, and she held him and rubbed his back until finally he could speak again. 

In the present, he wasn't in the fridge. But that had been a memory, not some fictitious boogeyman of his dreams. In the past, his white, feathery eyelashes had fluttered shut in the cold. He hadn't passed out but he was somewhere between sleep and unconsciousness. But just as he slipped into that state, the fridge door opened and he fell forward out of it. He couldn't push himself up initially, he was disoriented and weak. But his brother yanked him by the arm to flip him over, and then he smacked him hard across the face. That got his eyes open, and he took in a great breath. His lips were so blue. The man grabbed him again to yank him to his feet, all but dragging him to the couch where he tossed him down. And that was it. He left, leaving Dave with a very clear message. He didn't remember what he had done wrong that day, but he knew he'd never do it again. 

"What time is it?" Dave asked Rose in the present. His mouth was dry. 

"Its 3:27 in the morning," she answered, stroking his hair. The concern was obvious on her face. "You were screaming before you woke up." 

Dave sighed and rubbed his tear strewn face, taking a moment to breathe again before responding. "Hell of a nightmare." 

A pause and then, "no, it wasn't. It was a memory. I guess still a nightmare though." 

Their bodies fit together well, because Dave's chin was right above Rose's head. Their height was quite different needless to say, but it didn't stop Rose from holding him or stroking his hair. 

The love she had for Dave was obvious. It was part of what helped ground him. A young woman he'd known since he was 12. Five years didn't seem like a long time in the wider picture, but that was five of his formative years. They had been through quite a lot together. 

"You can talk about it if you need to," she offered. 

Part of Dave wanted to. It was almost embarrassing to talk about, but even harder to shoulder alone. So after a long moment of him taking steadying breaths so that he could get through the statement without his voice breaking up, he said, "Bro locked me in the fridge a few times when I was little enough to fit. And I thought– I thought I was going to die." 

That brought the tears back anyway, and Rose just held him and helped him focus on breathing. She took breaths with him, her chest rising and falling against him, helping him time his own inhale and exhale. After a bit, he had finally calmed down again, albeit with a crazy emotional hangover. It was just after three in the morning now though, and he wasn't feeling particularly like sleeping. 

They fell into a more casual chatter, talking about how they were going to the mall with Jade and John that day. Dave was looking forward to it and so was Rose. When it was obvious neither was going to fall back asleep quickly, Rose pulled away and rolled over on her back, turning her head to look at Dave. "Ice cream?" 

Both in their pajamas, Rose in a sports bra and shorts, Dave in the clothes Rose had given him, they sat in the kitchen and had a treat. It wasn't long before they were laughing and picking at each other, and Dave felt his heart swell until it ached. How had he managed to get such good friends? 

At about five, they both went back to sleep. This time Rose acted as the petite big spoon, an arm around Dave to hold him as he drifted off. She was asleep before him, but he did actually sleep. They both slept in, shocked to wake up at around 11 the next morning. The start to their day was lighthearted, and Dave smiled a little more than usual. It had been a hard night for sure, but what stood out to him was the love he felt from his friend. However hard his episode had been, it had been cathartic too. Maybe a little vulnerability wasn't such a bad thing. 

The mall was a lot of fun. The four of them got pretzels and Dave got his ears pierced a second time at a place called "Pierce Me". It was a little on the nose but had a somewhat grungy vibe, and professional piercers. It was no Claire's, no piercing guns in sight. 

The second holes in his lobes looked good and weren't painful. Jade got her nose done at the same time by a different piercer, and they both grinned while Rose and John complimented their new accessories. 

It gave John a chance to sort of make up with Dave. They basically had avoided the subject entirely, and leaned right back into palling around. Trading jokes or goading each other with penis lollipops in the back of Spencer's. It felt normal and easy and warm. Dave was a pretty touchy guy, and he flitted from person to person, leaning against them or taking their hands. For John, there was a quiet, personal tension in that touch, though not directed at Dave who didn't notice it. 

That night, Dave stayed with Rose again. He didn't have a nightmare. He didn't even dream. He did wake up though as he often did, maybe around 2 or so, but he saw Rose's sleeping form in the dim light and went back to sleep with a soft smile, safe and secure. There was a lot of work he had to do personally, to get to a place where he could feel genuinely safe. But for that night, he got a taste of that feeling and believed for that precious moment that he would be okay. Despite the storm in his life and in his head, even if he didn't exactly see land on the horizon, he knew he had a few life rings. Friends that loved him, even when things weren't perfect. Dave slept well, maybe for the first time in awhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone remember when Dave said bro locked him in the fridge because I do.


End file.
